it's not often that i actually post an entry here. mostly this blog is just for me to post pictures.

 

this winter break was a watershed moment in my life. i have always thought that my peers were being self-absorbed when they wax lyrical about  "turning points" in their lives, but i cannot help but think that the breakup with sherilyn will be an immensely important moment in my life even when i think back on it many years down the road.

 

 

i guess that's the question that hits me where it hurts most, really. because i have no real idea why we broke up. there was no real buildup to our breakup, so the shock of it was overwhelming at the point of impact. i mean, when i recovered enough after the breakup i did a lot of self-reflection and i realised that i was a bad boyfriend. that provoked a lot of guilt and regret in me, even today.

 

was there anger? maybe, but just a bit. i came to the conclusion that she must have planned all this beforehand, and that she probably thought about it for a long time. i felt ever so slightly foolish that i didn't notice the underlying buildup. rationally i should have been angry with myself for being so stupid. emotionally i was angry with her for being so cruel.

 

there was another important reason why i felt she was cruel. if i were honest with myself i was contemplating a breakup also, simply because i was worried that my being overseas for so long was unfair to her. the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow wasn't so easy to find in real life, i reasoned. but i decided not to do anything about it. in part it was cowardice, but mainly it was just a deep, deep fear of cutting off what was so precious to me. it wasn't just about her, it was also about me. breaking up with her meant that a huge chunk of my memories (beautiful ones, too) for the last 5 years of so of my life would be stained with sadness. i can no longer look back at orientation in jc, for example, with blissful happiness. it is now just sad, sad nostalgia. therefore, i felt that she was cruel because she could do something that my heart didn't allow me to do. irrational? yes.

 

ultimately, though, i found some sort of inner peace. ultimately, she was a very good girlfriend when we were together. she was always accomodating, always understanding. despite our breakup, if it wasn't for her i wouldn't have enjoyed the past 5 years of my life half as much. so, if you are reading this, thank you. thank you for loving me once.

i last posted an entry after my inner mongolia trip, which was 3 months ago. heh.

 

what happened in the 3 mths:

---family came over

---sherilyn came over

---exams

 

back home now anyway.

 

taiwan next month.

 

 

that was amazing! see photos.

am i supposed to be surprised? whatever.

HK was fun.

 

initially i was surprised at the messiness of the place, but it grew on me and i really enjoyed the sheer randomness of HK, esp in the mongkok area. in singapore everything intersects at right angles. i am not saying that is a bad thing, but it can get boring. hk just seems a lot more real.

 

anw, back in beijing now. admin nightmare. partly cuz i lost my wallet in singapore. bah

met up

(1) hocks, jerald, gid

(2) becca, mel

suntec: si, rachel, rumin, liz and me!

haven't seen them in a million years~ :)

 

new nat lib---nice!~

(saw a megamon at the lib..urgh)

class gathering at clara's house.

went over to ecp for dinner.

danny, brandon, clara, amanda and me.

 

watched a play: "the dresser"

adrian pang played the lead role.

this was a unseen pc i did in jc lit.

great play.

 

watched superman.

great, but not as great as spiderman or batman returns.

 

back home in singapore.

 

would have preferred to have gone travelling instead, but whatever, i am still happy to be back.

can't really remember what i have been doing for the past few weeks.

 

erm, off the top of my head:

 

+shopping during wu yi

+6 days, 3 lunwens nightmare

+made new spex (again )

+did my hair

+started studying for exams >.<''

 

and sher's coming on sunday! ^^

friday

 

new electric piano~!!!!

 

lunch with sophia, zhixuan, jiasong, ivonne, ammily

 

 

 

 

tuesday: swan lake

me, ada, mel, doris, kenny

 

thurs: sleeping beauty, macs

me, nalai, hana, doris

 

 

wednesday

 

chinese test. i wrote utilitarianism as shi li zhu yi. that's wrong. i forgot how to write pang bian.

 

shuang ma lunch. da lin, na lai, hana, hideki, hideyuki, xiangma, akira

 

starbucks + subway

 

yao shan. eejin, pc, kenny, kk

 

observer meeting.

friday

 

ben and lam came over.

 

had lunch with deputy ambassador, ex-guoguan principal, lam, benedict, his parents.

 

bowling at night. (118 hi-score. haven't played since p6 so quite good eh? :P)

 

 

 

 

wednesday

 

baobao in the morning. he dianming-ed.

 

did work in the afternoon.

 

went to 未名湖 in the evening to take photos. beauutiful. hanna joined me after a while.

 

dinner at song lin. ate paos and had a good chat with pei ching and ee jin.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

omg omg omg.

 

2 days of sandstorms.

 

336 000 tonnes of sand.

 

20 kg of sand per capita (beijing-ers).

 

argh.

saturday:

pizza with xinhui and ivonne on saturday.

 

  

made new specs yesterday at paris miki. hope they look nice. :)

 

actually original intention was to go to carrefour, but ended up spending lotsa time at 中关村购物广场and paris miki choosing specs. was struck by the new restaurants/shops at the 购物广场. beijing's boom is really rather remarkable.

 

in the end we did go to carrefour. we were all very tired by the end of it all. haha. :D